Revamping my blogs

I am very lucky in life right now. I have the time and I am trying to redo my blogs and pages. This is all due to having a boyfriend whom treats me great and allows me time to work on old, years old, art projects, pages and blogs.
I had a lot of old dead links and pages out there. some from a decade ago, others from a few years.Things have changed so much over the years. Here is two projects I did for a college assignment with flyer designs.

I am trying to add new designs

New projects, designs and page updates. Google+

updating my pages

Updating all my pages, blogs and work. There has been a lot of changes.

Six years on blogger

I am busy a lot but been back to my old blogs and Web sites.  It is odd to read post from your past lol.  Things have changed a lot here and with Google and AdSense since I've been around and I'm impressed and intrigued again ;)

Just me!

I used to be jaded from my life and love from my old blogs that I have posted I guess. But I am getting older and I am not sure wiser? It was my grandmas birthday today, God rest her soul. I loved her so much.
I went on a date tonight. Someone I love but scared if It is the guy I should be with. I love him but am scared as he is I guess. And sometimes I feel it has went on too long the way it has been. I love and hate him omgosh.
I had a very hard year and am trying to pick my life back up. I share my kids with their dads, my 16 year old almost 17 comes over after school then to his dads and then my 10 year old is bi-weekly.
I seem to always go for the wrong kinda guys and now I am afraid to love and think I have a good one but don't trust men lordy it is so hard to know love.

Hard to Trust Anyone!

It is hard to trust anyone I have been used by and back stabbed by everyone I ever cared about! I met a girl at my job that seems to be so much like me it is crazy lol But you can tell she has had man problems as I have and being a single mom and also a hard time getting along with her mom as I do!

This is why I would rather be alone then let someone in my heart and life! My mom is dating a looser but I don't think I liked anyone she has ever been with! She is an alcoholic as well as my birth father and I just can't be around an alcoholic! I have an ex that is one also and it worries me that my son with him could be prone to it and he is a 17 yr old boy now (the age to experience it all) But he does know I don't drink and I hope he knows the difference as he say he does!

But anyhow, I am bothered because I never had someone in my life to be real and true to whom they say they are and I am starting to think I just may stay single forever because I will never settle for someone I can't count on and trust fully...

The hurt never goes away!

When you have been through abusive relationships the hurt never goes away! I had someone the other day talk of a friend that was in an abusive relationship and kept going back and how they was disgusted with them and like they deserved it! Well I was in the same type of relationship for 7 yrs and I went back the first time because I had no place else to go and the second he sweet talked me so much and the third I was tired of trying to support 3 boys on my own and never having enough help! But one time I had a dream on a Friday night that someone died and that very weekend we was out in the boat and stopped by a place that we actually met at 7 yrs ago to that day and that place and a guy died on his jet ski and my exs friends was all showing off on theirs all the time trying to show each other up and think they somehow contributed to the guy hitting the plier under the bridge we watched from the boat why they carried him up to US 19 and the ambulance take him away and yes he did die! Soon after that during the holidays my ex as usual got mean and abusive to me and my boys and I knew it was time to leave for good that day of our last anniversary,, I knew our relationship was dead for good (sorry for the pun) But I left him for good on New years (New year New me) I did not even open my x-mas gift from him that x-mas as just before it was the first time he actually punched me (before it was all rage and mental abuse all the time and a few times he did try to smother me with a pillow and once he stuck his finger down my throat) Funny thing was when we met I was with an alcoholic and he used to say why would you be with a mean drunk and take that from him ect...But anyhow after he punched me in the back of the head just because when I woke up (from the couch he got me in the habit because when I breastfeed I would wake him up so I slept on the couch a lot)But he woke me up and ask what a bag (shopping) was that was on the other couch and I said I don't know... I had a big ole knot and was even worried if I needed to have it looked at but that was when I planned my leave I knew I had to start packing stuff in secret and plan my leave (I knew it had to be done without him knowing! I hid out for 5 months in a spouse abuse shelter afraid for my life while we went to court and all that but he caught up with me once before when I was taking my boys to school he pulled up behind me and blocked me in!) I had to go thru some hard times for 3 years then being a single mom but I never went back ..My next relationship was a friend not really abusive per say but was not in love with him in the way I thought I could be, so now its been 6 years and 2 abusive relationship and one was no attraction and now I am afraid to trust again!
But yes it can be hard for a woman to leave for good but, even when we finally do it, it lives in our minds for life as it is part of a past that if I forget it, it will never be dealt with for me and to help others and just be swept under the rug as most do! Plus when you have a kid you have to still deal with this person even at a distance you don't see it as much but from time to time they have to be dealt with and man it sucks and to keep my sons knowing that is wrong to behave like that yet still have to respect them as a dad! It sucks big time so yes abuse stays forever to effect the ones it abused!